I am trying to come back to life...

Since Simona took her own life I have been looking for a reason to go ahead. I never thought I could have suffered so much for someone I met not so long ago and that has been meditating revenge towards all the men in the world. Not even Sonya's death hit me so hard. I am now returning to Italy with the clear intention of staying. Of the old friends, just Romano has been keeping in touch. Flavio has disappeared from the radar and so the Swedish bitch. I got my job back, I gave my London apartment in sublet to a couple and I am moving back into my flat in Rome. I will have to refurnish it... Well, that will keep me busy for some time. My life will start from there.
My father has been hinting at the possibility to go back to work where I was before but I am not sure I really want to go back in that place. I sense it as a failure.
There is no moment of the day going without the last scene of horror I had to live: Simona in a tub with her wrsts slashed and Flavio looking a if it was a spectator of a live show. I keep her picture in front of me every single time I am at the PC but I cannot run away from those images.
Everything reminds me of her.
Jogging at 6 AM in London reminds me of her, every couple I see at the restaurant where she has never been reminds me of her. She is just present more than ever in my mind.
I find hard even dating other girls or going out with them.
I have picked up a few hobbies but they are just a way to escape from reality and they do not passionate me much. I started studying mandarin, wrote some songs, some poems, but she is always there, in every letter I type, in every book I read... Simona, Simona, Simona...
Last night I dreamed of her. We had a long conversation. She told me that her boyfriend had left her with her two kids and that she was really unhappy and regretted the day she left me. I had the feeling that she was not entirely honest but I liked to hear that and when I woke up I was disappointed by the fact that it was only a dream and that she had no former boyfriend, nor kids...
The only woman who has taken me so much, is not here anymore...